God Can Forgive Anyone--Even You(12/20/2006) While I was pastoring a small church, I was asked to visit with a parishioner's son. The young man was facing sentencing for murdering his closest friend.
I have to admit, that entering such a situation is always a little worrisome. I didn't know the young man so I didn't know how I would be received. I knew that James (not his real name) was in big trouble, but I didn't know exactly what led him to kill a friend, someone he had been best friends with since grammar school.
I went to the maximum-security prison, left everything in my car except 2 forms of identification, and entered the prison. The authorities took me to a special area where death-row and soon-to-be death-row inmates were closely monitored as they met with visitors. I waited only a few minutes before the young man entered. Looking at James as he came into the room, I supposed him to be about 20-25 years of age. He was a skinny fellow who, I would guess, had done manual labor. He sat down across the table from me. We were separated by a piece of thick glass--not exactly like what you see in the movies, but close enough that that should give the idea. I introduced myself to him and told him that his mother had asked me to come and talk with him. I waited to see what he would say.
James said nothing. He just sat there looking at me for a few seconds. Then he burst into tears.
A long minute or two went by while he regained his composure and dried his eyes. Then he asked me, "Do you know what I did?"
I answered that I only knew he had killed his best friend, but that I knew almost nothing else about it. He nodded that yes, he had done that. Then he proceeded to tell me how it happened. He and this friend, I'll call him Larry, had always played at being tougher than the other. In grammar school they would hit each other. In high school they played on the football team and they would use each other as tackling dummies. Sometime in the 9th grade they became serious about girls and it became a challenge for each of them to take away any girl the other one liked--just because the other one liked her. Then, sometime in their junior year they discovered alcohol and they began trying to drink each other "under the table."
James looked me in the eye as he went on, "Larry stabbed me and put me in the hospital 6 months before that night--nearly killed me. We were drunk then, too." He pulled his shirt up and showed me the scar.
He went on.
"On the night I killed him, we met at a bar up here off the main drag for a drink. That turned into several drinks. Then this girl came in. She flirted with Larry and with me and the next thing you know, we were pushing each other. One thing led to another and he broke a beer bottle over my head--cut me pretty good. See this scar?"I couldn't see 'cause of the blood in my eyes, so I ran out of the bar and out to my car. I had an old shirt there and I used it to wipe the blood away and then I held it on my head to keep the blood out of my eyes.
"I had a gun in my glove box. I was drunk. I was mad. I was hurt. I got that gun and I went in there and I shot him. They say I shot him 5 times, but...I don't actually remember it. I stumbled back out to my car and tried to drive away, but I passed out right there in my car. That's where the police found me."
I listened to his story and I wondered. How could a person get sucked into a situation like that?"You know what's bad? That gal testified about me shootin' Larry so I got to see her when I was sober." He laughed a dry, sad kind of laugh I'd never heard before. "She was so ugly."
We sat in silence for a minute. I was wondering what to say. He was probably wondering what I would say.
Finally, I asked him, "How do you feel about what you did now?
"Preacher," he said, "Larry was a first-class horse's rear, but he was my friend. I miss him. I didn't want to kill him. And I sure don't want to die and go to hell and that's where I'm headin' if we really have a soul. I'll burn in hell for sure. There's no way out of that. Not now."
"Why do you believe that?" I asked.
"I killed a human being. God can't forgive me for that no matter how drunk I was."
We sat in silence again for a few seconds. I wanted to be sure to phrase what I was about to say very carefully. Finally, I asked, "So you're telling God what He can and can't do, now? That's pretty presumptuous."
He looked at me kind of funny, but said nothing, so I went on. "God can do whatever He wants to do and He doesn't need you to tell him what that is. So if He wants to forgive you, He can and He will. The question is not whether He can forgive you, the question is, 'Why should He want to forgive you.'"
James was silent. You could see the wheels turning in his head. I pressed on. "Read your Bible, James. God knows your heart. If, in your heart, you are truly repentant for what you've done, and if you then ask God to forgive you, I'd say there's a good chance that He will forgive you. It won't keep the law from doing whatever they're going to do, but it could save your soul from eternal damnation. But beware. Like I said, God knows what's in your heart and if you're just trying to salve your conscience a bit, He'll know. In other words, if you don't really mean it, I think you might be better off not to say you're sorry."
James and I sat there for some time saying nothing. Finally, he said, "I'm gonna go read that Bible. God knows I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for the drinking and I'm sorry for where it led. God knows that. But do you really think God could forgive me? I'm not even sure I can forgive myself."
I assured him that I did believe God could and would forgive him. Forgiving himself was another matter and he would have to work that out himself.
I visited James several times. I think he truly repented and I think God forgave him because of that repentance. He became a different person before it was over for him. Since then, I've met a number of people who felt just like James did. They all say, "God can't forgive me for what I've done." Well, what I told James is what I would like you to know. First, you can't box God in and tell Him what He can and cannot do. He's God. You're not.
Read and study John 3:16. God so loved the world--and that includes you--so much that He sent His only begotten son that we--you and I--might have eternal life. He did this long before you were born, but His love is still there, offered freely for you to take as a gift of God's eternal grace. All you have to do is accept what God has given you. If you truly repent of the evil things you've done, no matter how bad, give yourself to God and you ask for His forgiveness, I believe He will give you that forgiveness. It may not stop the earthly consequences of what you've done, but eternity is a lot longer than the time we have here in this world. So study John 3:16 and while you're at it, spend a little time studying Luke 15:11-32, the story of the Prodigal Son. You might just find that you've been wandering far from your Father, but He still loves you. You left Him. He didn't leave you. He can forgive you.
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